Frankly speaking, I knew this was coming. After working hard for almost 4 years with one aim- also making sure everything else like board exams of Class X and Class XII, annual exams of Class IX and Class XI and other things were being given the requisite importance- the results of the JEE ADVANCED exams were disastrous. When there were about two days to the result, a strange uneasiness and the feeling that I wouldn’t make the cut was haunting me. The day before, I was feeling terrible. Moreover, the time when I should have relaxed, and probably chill out, I was busy trying every rank-predictor available to predict my rank. When a trusted rank-predictor told me I’d get a rank somewhere around 16000, disbelief, dismay and despair landed on me together.
That very night, the JEE Board updated the statistics of the exam. The paper this time was very tough and the cutoffs had been drastically reduced. With a decent margin from the cutoff, I thought I ll make it to a good IIT and when it was announced that only 15502 ranks were announced in the common merit list, I knew that I would not get such a bad rank after all. All I dreamed that night was about IITs, especially IIT Kharagpur.
The day of result, the same unsettled feeling daunted me again. When they were about to announce the results, I even turned off computer and started watching TV. After some time, when I was playing badminton with my aunt at a nearby park, my mentor called me up to ask me what my rank was. I knew that I could not avoid it for long. I came home and checked the results, only to be terribly upset. I had got 9999th Rank in the Common Rank List. I was nearly devastated. Everyone had hoped I’d make it, my family, teachers, friends. I was feeling bad about my performance, but I felt worse, that so many people had expectations from me, and I could never live up to it, in fact, I never lived up to my own expectations. I was filled with remorse.
I somehow managed to tell everyone my score. Then, while on the verge of the breakdown, I realized that if I didn’t give my first true failure a fight, when would I learn to. I decided, I would not fuss over it for long, and try to slowly get out of it. My family was of immense support to me. The went out of their way to make me feel more comfortable, consoling me and trying to increase my confidence, appreciating my efforts and so on. My friends, too, were of great help, initially making fun of the so called fancy ranking but then finally reminding me that it was not effort gone wasted. The same people who had believed in me and my ability to work towards my goal and wanted me to make it there, also made sure that disappointment did not overwhelm me, and helped maintain my integrity, and assured me their belief in me was unscathed, despite my coming to nothing.
Today, if it were not for my family, relatives and a few friends, I would have been completely shattered by now. We often attach our whole lives to our ambitions, career, goals and what not. If we do not have the support and assurance of people around us, how can we ever make the climb to the top? It is the people we are surrounded by in our lives that help us with the push to move ahead. It is also the same people who hold our backs in case we ever fall down. I feel that it is not worth achieving in life if we cannot show gratitude to the people who selflessly pray for our success and be a part of its celebration as though it is all our effort that is there in the achievement. Being grateful to people who back you up through and through is probably the least we can do to appreciate their goodwill for us. Some day, if not that very moment, we will realize its importance.
While I try to climb a mountain all alone, I am driven forward by the fear of falling down. On the other hand, when I climb the mountain with the help of harnesses, I am driven by trust, confidence and hope, which is more important to develop a positive attitude in life.